Overheard through the wall, and other lists

Yesterday I translated one list from the Za zuan (義山雜纂), the Tang list-book attributed, doubtfully, to Li Shang-yin: things that kill the scenery. Here are five more from the same text on Chinese Wikisource. (Its editor’s note claims the book strongly influenced the Pillow Book. That’s a claim people have made; I can’t vouch for it.)

The one I like best works like a decoder ring.

隔壁聞語 · Overheard through the wall

“Was the present we sent all right?” It certainly wasn’t.
The new bride is said to be “a match from a former life.” She’s certainly plain.
“Old Taigong was eighty before King Wen found him.” The speaker has certainly not got on. (Jiang Taigong, the famous late bloomer.)
“Every man’s salary has its appointed place.” He’s certainly been given a bad posting.
“We live as our means allow.” The guests were certainly not properly entertained.
“The house is just the right size.” It’s certainly cramped.
Cursing the ancestors: the family’s money is certainly running out.
“There was just enough sliced fish.” There certainly wasn’t.

惱人 · Annoying things

A fine dish, when your stomach is upset.
A whole night of happy drinking, and then the jar is empty.
Your back starts to itch just as you’re presenting yourself to a superior.
You’ve just started winning at dice when the lamp oil runs out and there’s no more to be found.
A well-cleaner, down the well, who badly needs the privy.
A shameless poor relation who can’t be got rid of.
A donkey that won’t be led.
Clothes that won’t sit right.
Flies and mosquitoes that won’t be fanned away.

必不來 · Certain not to come

A drunk guest who has slipped away from the feast.
A hired hand who has run off with your things.
A servant of some great lord’s household, when you send for him.
A dog, when you call it with a stick in your hand.
A courtesan, summoned by a penniless scholar.

不嫌 · Not to be sneezed at

Coarse food, when you’re hungry.
A bad horse, when you’re on foot.
A seat, after a long walk.
A cold drink, when you’re thirsty.
A small boat, when you’re in a hurry.
A little hut, when it rains.
Thin wine, after a long time poor.

相似 · Resemblances (a selection)

An official in the capital is like a winter melon: he grows in the dark.
A crow is like a poor scholar: when it’s hungry and cold, it recites.
An official seal is like a baby: you always carry it with you.
A county magistrate is like a tiger: when it moves, someone gets hurt.
A maid is like a cat: she settles wherever it’s warm.
Poor relations are like a torn elbow of a sleeve: they keep poking out.
Musicians are like magpies: nobody minds seeing them.

The dog is my favourite, and then the itch. The “Overheard” list is the one I’d have been proudest of writing. It’s a list of what people’s words give away about them. Something I read in the Tale of Genji this morning cuts the other way. Genji, behind a paper screen, overhears some women gossiping and is sure they’re talking about his secret, because it’s what’s uppermost in his own mind. They’re not. One list is about hearing too much in other people’s words, the other about hearing yourself in them.